Dear Chris Cornell…

Dear Chris Cornell,

It’s been 13 days now that you’ve been gone. Your departure shook the entire music industry. Your wife, kids, band mates and friends have all been paying tributes to you. I sincerely hope you’ve been able to see them all. I, however, cannot watch them. It’s too painful to watch someone else sing YOUR songs. 

I know, you don’t know me. I’m just another one in a million of your brigade of fans. I do hope heaven delivers this letter to you, though. You see, I love you. I adore you.  You knew what I was feeling. It was amazing how your lyrics reflected my thoughts to a T. You weren’t just another rockstar to me. You were my friend. It was like you knew me. You said all the things I wanted to say, but was afraid to say them. No one was listening anyway. But you, you knew what was inside of me and you said the words for me.  

Countless days and nights were spent with you. You have no idea how many.  It was the early ’90’s when I first saw you. I was at a club and they showed “Jesus Christ Pose” on giant screens, pumping the music at full throttle. I was mesmerized by you. Having gone to a perocial school like you did, the line “You’re staring at me like I need to be saved” really hit home.  From that moment on, I was hooked on you. The music just got better and better from there. Songs like “Holy Water,” “Blow Up the Outside World,” “Pretty Noose,”….I could go on and on…well, I guess I’m trying to say that you were my voice. Knowing someone felt like I did was incredible. You were such a comfort to me.
What I don’t understand is why everyone seemed so shocked you killed yourself. Yes, the news hit me like a freight train. I cried the entire day. When I found out you had hung yourself, it broke my heart, but I wasn’t surprised. What surprised me was how shocked everyone else was.  Had they never listened to your lyrics??? You sang a lot about death, religion, and the pain of love. You sang about confusion. Your last album was just one long suicide note. Why is no one talking about that? 

Chris, you sang like an angel, and you looked like one, too. You were a gift from the Lord. Your vibration wasn’t of this earth. You were on a higher plane. I believe this with all my heart. You were homesick. This earth couldn’t match the high vibration you were on and that’s why you were so unhappy.  You longed to go back to heaven, where you came from. I believe in my heart that’s where you are now. 

When Prince died, I was sad. When we lost Bowie, I cried for a few minutes. When you died, I cried for days. I still cry. I’m sorry you were in so much pain. I’m sorry you couldn’t carry on. I cringe when I think of your last painful moments on earth. I pray that you’re okay wherever you are. I know you didn’t know me, but I knew you. I’m forever changed by your death. I’m also forever changed by your life.  I thank God for allowing you and your talent touch so many lives. I look forward to the day when I’ll finally meet you. For now, in my mind, you’ll always be young. You’ll always be beautiful. You’ll alway be a soul that is forever connected to mine.

I love you, Chris. I always will. I refuse to say goodbye. You’ll live forever in my heart, and when I miss you, I’m blessed to be able listen to your music or watch you at the touch of a button. But it’s not the same. Life will never be the same without you. 


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