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An Open Letter to an Ex (You know who you are)

An open letter to an ex. 

You know who you are. I know you’re reading this because you’ve never lost track of me. You left me flat broke, in the dust and in more pain than I’ve ever felt  in my entire life.  You never loved me. I was your target. I was your meal ticket. I was your fool. 

You expected so much of me. You expected me to support you. You expected me to give you everything. You expected me to care for another woman’s child. All the while, you expected me to look pretty for you. Cook for you. Clean for you. Break my back to give you the life you felt you deserved.

And I did it. I gave in to your every whim. I gave you everything you asked for. It got to the point where I couldn’t pay the bills. You constantly wanted to go out to eat. You had to have expensive clothes and toys. I found myself compromising my standards for you. I thought I loved you even though you put me through the worst hell of my life. 

So when I found out I was having your child, I seriously thought you would put the same effort into the relationship that I had. You didn’t.

You beat me up when I was 7 months pregnant. I still have the scar on my lip from where you punched me. I think of you everytime I put my lipstick on. 

That same day you punched me in the face, you locked me in the garage. You dumped gas all over and taunted me with your lighter. I tried so hard to get out of there. You blocked the door. I was so afraid for the life of my baby that I did everything I could to calm you down. I forgave you, even though you never asked for forgiveness. 

After our baby was born, I found out you weren’t paying the rent. I had just gotten the Christmas tree put up when the landlord knocked on the door and informed me that we had 10 days to get out. You let me down. 

You finally turned your back on me and ran off with someone else. You called me, threatening to cut my head off and take my baby. After countless violent threats and harassment, I got a restraining order on you.

You broke me in the worst kind of way. Here I was, homeless, poor, and seeing your face everyday in my baby’s face. After I got on my feet again, thanks to my family, I met a kind man who was willing to love my son as his own. You signed away your rights to the most wonderful child in the world. You gave up your fatherhood and gave it to another man. Without a fight. You didn’t care. You had another son on the way. You heartless bastard. You son of a bitch. You narcissistic piece of shit. Thank God my son will never have to put up with your shit like your other children do. How many is that now?  4?  5?  Just for the record, the child you had with me never wants to see your fucking face. Do you remember throwing him down when he was just days old?  You were mad because he was crying. Do you remember calling me and telling me you wanted to choke your oldest child because she was acting up. Of course she was acting up. You pulled her out of yet another home.  She had another mommy. She was devastated. Fuck you for what you did to her. Fuck you for what you did to all of us. 

I don’t know if you are simply heartless or if the things you’ve done haunt you in the night. I used to wish pain, hardship and suffering on you. Believe me, death was too good for you. I’ve since forgiven you, but only for myself. For my own healing. For my own sanity. 

Thank you for leaving us. My emotions are mixed because I have the most perfect human being in the son you fathered. I never knew love until I had him. How someone can just walk away from their child is beyond comprehension. My mind can’t grasp the thought,but thank you. Thank you for getting the hell out of our lives. The boy has a dad who loves him. You walking away was the greatest gift you could’ve ever given me. 

I’ll never see you again. You or any of your family, because legally, none of you have any ties to my son. I do pray for you. I truly do. I pray that God has mercy on your soul. Only He can forgive someone like you. Someone who belongs in the deepest pits of hell. 

Signed,

One of the women you thought you destroyed.